Kenny Powers’ Quotes hot on web

Posted by on Sep 27, 2010 | Leave a Comment

Danny McBride is starring in a HBO’s comedy series “Eastbound & Down” as Kenny Powers, whose quotes now become hot trend on web. The Season 2 for “Eastbound & Down” premiered on September 26, 2010. Here, the famous Kenny Powers’ Quotes from the season one is given below.

kenny powers

He described himself in season one “I’ve been blessed with many things in this life. An arm like a [cussing] rocket, a [slang term] like a Burmese python and the mind of a [c” He singles out “With every set of tits comes a gaping hole of need that even Kenny Powers can fill” and “Can I do you from behind with a Scream mask?” as his favorite lines, and picks Powers’ perennia.

HBO’s “Eastbound & Down” series is about a washed up, egotistical, possibly psychotic baseball player forced to move in with relatives in suburbia, who is coming back. On March 22, 2009, first season of the series was completed that consisted of six chapters (episodes). However, the HBO has renewed the series for a second season on April 8, 2009. The production for the second season started in May 2010. The second season will be seven episodes long. The premiere episode aired on Sunday September 26, 2010.

Read the memorable Kenny Powers’ Quotes for “Eastbound & Down” Season 1:

Chapter 1:-

“I play real sports. I’m not trying to be the best at exercising.”

“I am talking about me. I want — these are questions about me personally as a superstar. You know, you got this moment in time here with an American icon and you’re gonna waste it asking a question about the f*cking mile?”

“You know what? I can already tell that I don’t like you. And I’m probably not gonna like you no matter how many pull-ups or push ups you can do.”

“All right, so let me get this straight. I’m gonna pay for a blow job, and I gotta pay for a goddamn hotel room too? That just seems like I’m spending too much money for nothing. I’ve got a house. You can just get over here. I can just do the blowjob here. And can I wear the Scream mask? The mask from Scream? While I do you from behind”

“I’m Kenny Powers! And I am very upset with how I am acting right now. I just have a very hard time expressing my emotions, and I can’t stop from yelling.”

“God has taken a dump on my face. The love of my life doesn’t want to have sex with me cause she’s marrying some smoothie eatin’ fairy.”

“The only job op I got is teaching a bunch of pisspants how to tie their shoes.”

“I need to remember that I’m a winner man. I need to remember that I am better than everyone else. Bulletproof tiger, man”“When my ass was nineteen years old I changed the face of professional baseball… I was handed the keys to the kingdom, multi million dollar deals, endorsements. Everyone wanted a piece of my sh*t… Just a man with a mind for victory, and an arm like a f*cking cannon. But sometimes when you bring the thunder, you get lost in the storm…”

“With a true champion face to face with his darkest hour, he will do whatever it takes to rise above. A man fights, and fights, and then fights some more. Because surrender is death, and death is for p*ssies”

“And my ass ain’t no p*ssy. My ass is a f*cking champion.”

Chapter 2:-

“No, dude. This is a real job. It’s not like teaching kids, you can’t get f*cked up.”

“I’m trying so hard not to be an *sshole to you guys, Ok? I’m just disappointed with my own arm, and how its trying to buttf*ck me back here.”

“A stork wrapped around a tree branch. That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen before. You know that’s how the plague started back in the day. It was from a little disgusting birdbath in someone’s backyard that rats made sex to birds in it and created a whole new type of AIDS.”

“It seems to me an establishment such as this could go for an overhaul in the advertising spokesman game. I’m talking about a real celebrity, not some sign spinning f*cking monkey. I’m talking about goddamn me in the store, live, un-cut, in person, bringing in the customers, lubing the deals.”

“Example A: I could stand to lose four, maybe five pounds to get back into practical game condition.”

“Don’t rev my sh*t. I’m trying to do something serious here. I don’t need you going f*cking maverick on me.”

“I throw one to him, next thing you know I’m at the grocery store, the bar, the titty club, and every dumb motherf*cker I pass is asking me to smoke one for ’em. I can’t open myself up to that.”

“Why is there silver sh*t all over your face? [I was hanging out with those dudes in the parking lot] Doing what? Giving Robocop a blowjob?”

“It was the eggrolls, not the ecstasy.”

“There’s one image in my life that consistently makes me happy, no matter when I think about it, and that image, that one image is your big t*ts.”

Chapter 3:-

“Smashing a brick through a f*cking dude’s window is nothing compared to the things I’ve done. I’ve killed people.”

“I could use somebody like you. Just do all my bullsh*t, my f*cking running around. The I could just have to to focus on the day-to-day.”

“You were driving because you are my assistant. And that’s what my assistant does – he drives me around when I get sh*t-hammered.”

“You see that? That’s where my d*ck goes through.”

“He’s some hotshot pitcher trying to be me. Trying to bite the Kenny Powers f*cking style. I wanna know when he plays. I want to see what this needle-d*ck impostor is working with …. He wants in the big game and so do I. He’s my competition, a casualty of my f*cking war.”

“Are you ready to learn some next level sh*t? From this moment on you guys are no longer little kids — you are cold calculated murderers. This is the mindset you’ve got to be in if you want to be a champion.”

“Besides getting shot on the back of the head, do you know what else Abraham Lincoln did? He was a champion wrestler in high school. And I’m not making that up…”

“Obviously, I’m not going to need steroids when I’m in f*cking shape. This is just to kick-start the training, dude.”

“You look like a f*cked up Michael Myers …. If I took you from behind right now I’d be f*cking myself over.”

“Dudes got d*ck for style. He’s got no showmanship or personal pizzazz. Its like watching a f*cking pitching machine.”

“Oh, and what’s that? Looking at a bunch of little boys throwing balls, instead of getting on board my sh*t and seeing what real talent looks like? Well that’s f*cking terrific — my business is being a goddamn powerhouse and making millions of bucks.”

Chapter 4:-

“Honey, I love you, I think you’re a terrific girl, but you have clothes like a f*cking d*ckhead.”

“Sitting here, waiving her cervix around like its the hottest ticket in town.”

“Stupid cookout. As if their f*cking cookout is any sort of big thing. You should see my f*cking cookouts, man. When I was back in Seattle, I had the goddamn Spoonman from the Soundgarden videos coming to my sh*t. I’m talking 6 grills burning at all times. Tiki torches, 3 whole pigs, sh*tloads of macaroni and cheeses, baked potatoes, collard greens, a horse, f*cking Puerto Rican chicks showing their pussies and tits off everywhere. They were amazing.”

“What did I tell you? I said put something nice on. You look like a busted Daytona stripper in that sh*t …. I don’t want no p*ssy-getting-wet dresses for this cookout. This needs to be a normal evening outfit that regular people would wear.”

“Lovely? Her? …. He’s my boss, so don’t try to suck him off.”

“I don’t know what’s going on, man. I’m just all jammed up inside. Lost my abilities. Been stripped of all of my god-given talents. Including the talents to be able to have sex with any woman I choose, or throw a f*cking ball fast, or to not prematurely come in my pants. Sometimes I just don’t even know which one hurts the most. I’m ashamed of myself.”

“I’m not crying Dustin. It’s just this stupid pollen, it’s in my eyes and making them f*cking water.”

Chapter 5:-

“Oh, sh*t. I can’t do this. I’m about to have a f*cking panic attack. I need 4 Xanax, and 2 Miller Lites.”

“I’m laying down my new audiobook. No writing, just spoken words – the old fashioned way.”

“[Is there anything special you want me to call the file?] Yeah, name the file “Press record now before I smash your f*cking face in!”

“I’m coming there as Kenny Powers the man, not the legend, the one he’s pissed at.”

“Kenny Powers’ days of burning ass are done. And that’s not a homosexual reference. I made a promise to myself, and I’m not going to break it for the sake of capitalism. So sorry.”

“I just figured I might as well look the part …. Just a normal, regular teacher with no hopes or dreams, absolutely nothing, just waiting to die. Just like you guys.”

“I’m just like you now, Dustin. Just kinda calm and weak.”

“Whatever needs to be set up for a pitching contest – set that sh*t up!”

“Oh, sh*t. I can’t do this. I’m about to have a f*cking panic attack. I need 4 Xanax, and 2 Miller Lites.”

“I just want you to know that I’ve been thinking alot, about, you know, what happened at the cookout ….” “It’s just that we were there, and then we were touching each other, and I saw those t*ts and I started feeling your ass and I started breathing heavy and almost got a headache. Then my vision started to go all colorful. Then I just came in my pants. But I won’t do that again.”

“[you knocked his f*cking eye out] You’re goddamn right I did! I was aiming for his f*cking eye. I got my pitch back!”

“Schaeffer! Suck a fat one!”

Chapter 6:-

“If you need me I’ll be cruising in my Escalade, err — Denali.”

“This is seriously the best wave of good sh*t that has ever happened in my whole life. I knock out Mackworthy’s eye, then I see April’s big-ass tits and have sex to her. It’s like all the horrible, disgusting sh*t I had to put up with here is finally paying off.”

“I made the mistake of leaving you behind before, and I’ll be goddamned if I’m gonna do it again. f*ck all that fine Cuban p*ssy. Your olive skin bests that any day of the week. I’m doing it right this time. We’re doing it together.”

“So as I was saying, the amount of money I am gonna be making would hurt your parents feelings. You remember the class where I taught you all how to make it rain? That’s what I’m gonna be doing every single night – dolla, dolla bills, y’all…”

“I’m going to be signing a personalized headshot for each and every one of you. The only thing I would ask, is that you have your name prepared. Because I don’t wanna have to ask the same question 30 f*cking times.”

“When I’m gone, you need to look after this place, man. I mean this is our hometown. This sh*thole helped shape us. You must guard it and protect its royal vagina.”

“And please, please, please don’t let the fact that Ms. Carol is a lesbian put you off to her. You know how you all think there are 2 kinds of lesbians? There’s the kind on Cinemax that get it on and are hot, and there’s the mean kind? Well, Ms. Carol is neither of those.”

“I mean, no offense, but you got a sh*tty job, you’re not quite as tall as me, nobody really respects you. You have me on the other hand. I got the glory, I got the fame, the money, the jewels, the cash, the Denali. Getting drunk on the reg, f*cking good times on the reg, yachts on the reg, sex on the reg…” ‘

“Basically all the sh*t that most guys fantasize about.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t mean to kiss on her pussy, your fiancee. That happened too…”

“You know, Stevie, when I first met you, I’ll be honest with you, you were a little bitch…. But now I’m looking at you, and to me you seem like a dude who knows what’s up. You don’t take sh*t from anybody, you smoke weed on the reg. Quite frankly, you’re somebody I’m proud to know. And you’re somebody who deserves whole hell of alot more than just being an assistant.”

“Because without that knowledge, without that lesson, I never would have been able to …. What the f*ck man, man? I’m trying to give a memorable speech here.”

“I was your savior. I was your knight in shining armour. In each of you, were the chinks upon my armour. Each of you were the chinks. You all were the chinks! Remember me, my chinks…”

Kenny Powers’ Quotes for season 2can be founded on

For more information visit Kenny Powers’ official website at

Eastbound & Down Season 2 Trailer

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